Where I am today…

I’m glad to be back! I’ve been wanting to work on this blog for so long, but let myself get tripped up in technology, a few missteps in seeking help, and an undefined vision. However, it now is evident that I’ve been preparing in other ways- I took the spirit of BLOOM, DAZZLE, ROCK and started a Meetup group. I really enjoyed that, though quickly found that I couldn’t sustain the real-world time and effort to connect the way I had envisioned. I have discovered this about myself- that I think that I can do WAY more than I can do all at once, and then am surprised to be overwhelmed. This discovery has led me to try a new approach- the laser focus. I frequently fall victim to “shiny object syndrome,” and don’t think I’m alone in this. That is when anything new and sparkly catches your interest (and thus energy), and your efforts are diluted and therefore less effective. I am tired of trying a bunch of things at once and finding a little bit of success in each area- it’s time to dial in my energy and focus and create a huge change in my life.

My recent journey has been narrated in my vlog. In a nutshell, I invested in a business with a desire to help people, to put my energy in one place and achieve success, and to build an asset. Unfortunately, it did not work out at all like I had hoped/planned/dreamed. Despite my due diligence and best efforts, it was ultimately doomed due to issues at the corporate level. I just read a quote today that was SO apt:

Every battle is won or lost before it is fought.” -Sun Tzu, The Art of War

RIGHT?!?  In retrospect, and with the benefit of new information, I can see that I was going to be on the losing side of the field because the business system was not as it was represented.  But, what do you do with this knowledge when you have poured a year of time, energy, work, risk into it…all the ways that you can be invested?  That’s a really tough place to be- I know, I’m in it right now.  I’ve made the conscious decision to not let this experience knock me down, or at least not permanently, but rather to use it as a catalyst for positive change.  I’ve learned some major lessons- about trust, about investing, about systems.  The biggest of these is that I have to be my own answer.  I wanted to find a proven and scaleable business system, I bought into being part of something larger, I thought it was worth it to give up a portion of my money and control in exchange for guidance and a foundation.  Unfortunately, giving up control translated to not being able to fix things in the system that were broken (and profoundly impacted my bottom line), and giving up money meant I was tied to it (despite that impact on my bottom line).  So, lesson learned- I won’t do that again.  I need to be the quality control if it’s my bottom line at stake.

Besides these tough lessons on life, business and trust, I saw two other areas where I could find value in my experience.  The first was to perhaps offer guidance and hope to others going through tough situations.  By documenting my own journey, my insights into handling challenges, my desire to affect positive change, and choices in moving forward, something beneficial could be created.  Hell, even if it just someone with whom you can commiserate- my vlogs show the very real struggle, but also the coping mechanisms and search for a new path for success.

This is where I am now- I’ve processed a lot of what happened with my business venture, I’ve accepted that it was not what I thought I was buying into, I’m committed to achieving resolution with the company and not just going quietly into the night.  So, it’s still a source of stress and far from ideal, but I refuse to allow it to absorb all my attention and energy.  After all, I still have the skills and enthusiasm I was pouring into the business, I still have back up income streams as an optometrist and real estate agent, and I still have a commitment to achieve success.  That will be on my own terms this go-around.

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